2 Replies to “PETS show in Richland / Friday Night!”

  1. I’m not a fan of pubes.

    A few years ago when I started seeing the cool kids and their stupid beards, I knew those assholes would try to push the trend as “far south” as they could. You know what I’m talking about. Now I’m starting to see that nasty trend creep into adult websites like crabgrass in a neglected lawn. I’m not talking about 70s era adult entertainment, I’m talking recent smut. It ain’t right. We conquered this demon. Mankind finally defeated pubes in the early 2000s, and the world was a better place for it. Like landing on the moon or curing polio or inventing the printing press. A true monumental achievement.

    Anyhooo, I’m not going to stand for it. Which is why I decided, once again, to come to Funkytonk to announce my candidacy for President of The United States and/or Mayor of Meadow Springs. I clearly thought back in 2012 that the world was finally on the right path… That the majority of you little people were enough ON TRACK that you didn’t need my wisdom and insight. But then came the beards. And those God damn pubes. Then I’m walking around Fred Meyer tonight and I see “90%” dark chocolate. That’s freakin’ dark. Like, East African marathon runner dark. I’m not racist, I just don’t care for the bitterness. (Of the chocolate, not East Africans.)

    Our world is going to hell in a Prada knockoff handbasket and I’m not going to stand for it. So you bitches, please, join my campaign to put us back on the clean shaven, creamy milk chocolate path that made this nation great.

    ALSO… If anybody could forward me the link to that girl whose sister makes $135 an hour, part time, while masturbating on the internet in her pajamas with no experience, that would be great. Because everybody needs a backup plan.


    1. Paris,
      I can relate. If I see your name on the ballot I will definitely vote for you. Please don’t blame Fred Meyers as it is the only all ages place for kids to hang out on a weeknight until 10pm….oh wait there’s Hastings right? Yeah. I miss Jafco.

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